Grief On My Sleeve

 Happy Easter, everyone!

I have a quiet moment while everyone is occupied, and this idea came to me in Mass this morning and I didn't want to forget it!

While in Easter service, a gentleman in front of me was wearing a nice dress shirt with the word GREIF embroidered on the sleeve. (I've since deduced this is a company and not a clothing brand, and yes I know it's not the same as the word "grief" but that's what it looked like).

But it got me thinking...what if we labeled our sleeves? 

Nationwide Children's Hospital has the "On Our Sleeves" campaign to break the stigma of mental health, very similar concept! Mental health, suffering, grief, is often not something that is visible. It's easy to assume people are ok but we have no clue what's on the inside.

What if I had just labeled my shirt with the word, "Grief." Or, "Hurting," "Suffering," "Really sad," or maybe even, "Not sure if I'm still sane."

Then people would know. Kind of like a warning label, maybe more like a handle with care. 

Maybe if you're having a good day you can just wear, "Happy today!" and people can celebrate with you. And when you're wearing "sad" on your sleeve, people will find ways to lift you up.

It's just that it's hard to tell people how you really feel. A miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss is (as I've probably said a hundred times on here) very isolating. It feels like the world goes back to regular speed and you're stuck in slow motion.

Like those commercials for antidepressants where the world is in a bright, sunny day with chirping birds, but you have your very own storm cloud over your head.

I know I didn't really know how to communicate my true feelings in the thick of my suffering. What did I need? I'm not even sure I knew. So being "fine" was much easier than telling caring people who inquired how I was really feeling. 

Maybe if I could have just worn a sign, I wouldn't have had to tell anyone.

But alas, people would probably think I'd really lost my mind if I'd done that. So what's the solution? 

Find a person you CAN tell. Send them a text. Set up a code word. However you are able. Find a way to have at least one person you can be truly open and honest with, and then let them help you. Don't be afraid to tell them what it is you need. Often times, we as human beings just simply don't know how to help. It doesn't mean we don't want to, it just means we don't know what would be best for you. Because of that, get to a place where you feel ok just telling someone.

Do you need a hug? Do you need to just laugh at really stupid jokes? Do you want to go out and pretend like everything is normal? Do you want to just bawl your eyes out for awhile? 

Find that person and find that thing you need and do it! 

It's ok to let people into your pain. Good for you, in fact! We aren't meant to do this alone, so don't!