Happy Birthday, Mary Claire!

     I walked outside in October 12 and it hit me  . It took my breath away . The cold fall air . The first of the season . It all came rushing back . I was there . On her grave , in that chair , with Colin on my lap . My family was around me. Here I was , again .  The smell of the air , the cool breeze and my broken heart .
     Mary Claire Malone , November 1, 2007 .  You would be 11. Each year I think about what you might have been doing . This year you would be that cute little tween . You would be adored by your brothers and look up to your amazing adult big sisters . But this wasn’t Gods plan . 
     Gods plan . How do we embrace that ? Most often it’s not what we want or had thought out in our head . How does this time of year sneak up on me - every year . How am I not more prepared ??? How does this happen ??? 
     This happens because we are human . There cannot be grief where there hasn’t been love . We are mothers and fathers . It’s not the natural order of life to lose a child . Grief is a balance and flow of tears and joy .
     I choose to embrace Gods Holy plan . I rejoice in the precious life of our youngest child . She has taught me that I need to let go . I need to live and love fully each moment . Each and every moment is a treasure . I take nothing for  granted and realize that time is the greatest gift you can give .
     Thank you Jesus for allowing me to be Mary Claire’s Mommy . Sending you all my love in heaven on your 11th birthday baby girl  ️

Mommy