I walked outside in October 12 and it hit me . It took my breath away . The cold fall air . The first of the season . It all came rushing back . I was there . On her grave , in that chair , with Colin on my lap . My family was around me. Here I was , again . The smell of the air , the cool breeze and my broken heart .
Mary Claire Malone , November 1, 2007 . You would be 11. Each year I think about what you might have been doing . This year you would be that cute little tween . You would be adored by your brothers and look up to your amazing adult big sisters . But this wasn’t Gods plan .
Gods plan . How do we embrace that ? Most often it’s not what we want or had thought out in our head . How does this time of year sneak up on me - every year . How am I not more prepared ??? How does this happen ???
This happens because we are human . There cannot be grief where there hasn’t been love . We are mothers and fathers . It’s not the natural order of life to lose a child . Grief is a balance and flow of tears and joy .
I choose to embrace Gods Holy plan . I rejoice in the precious life of our youngest child . She has taught me that I need to let go . I need to live and love fully each moment . Each and every moment is a treasure . I take nothing for granted and realize that time is the greatest gift you can give .
Thank you Jesus for allowing me to be Mary Claire’s Mommy . Sending you all my love in heaven on your 11th birthday baby girl ️
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Blog post by Autumn Purdy
Dear Grieving Parent,
What I want to say to you if you are suffering the loss of your child: I know this heartache. I live it every day. I understand your pain. You are not alone.
What I would want you to know about me: I have lost children, too—six, to miscarriage. The losses no longer haunt me, but I’ll never live without the pain. I don’t want to live without these sorrowful scars, but the grief no longer defeats me. We named our children, and that gave us tremendous peace. I call them by name, silently in my prayers, remembering their tiny, yet, significant lives. They are a part of me, my marriage, our family, my story.
What I would do for you if you told me about the loss of your son or daughter: I would hold your hand and ask if he or she had a name. Then, I would say that name out loud with you to acknowledge and affirm that child’s life, no matter how short he or she lived inside or outside your womb. Named or not, your child was real, true, loved, and deserves to be known.
What I would ask you: What can you tell me about your child(ren)? What would you want others to know about them? How did your loss unfold? Tell me anything, or everything. I will listen, and laugh and cry along with you. I will marvel at the joy their life brought to you, and I will grieve all that you have lost. I will stay with you until you have nothing more to say, and together, we will sit in silence and solidarity of being parents whom have loved and lost.
What I would tell you now is: Thank you for sharing your pain with me. Thank you for trusting me with your vulnerability. I will hold the knowledge of your heartache sacred within my own heart. I won’t forget you or your children, either.
Please, remember: You are never alone.
In prayerful lament,
October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and October 15th is a special day dedicated to raising awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. At 7:00 PM tomorrow night, please join us in lighting a candle, praying, and speaking out loud the names, and honoring the memories of all the children taken from us too soon.